A Happier Medium

Is there a ‘non-traditional’ way to have a long-term, committed and intimate relationship?

Something that falls between casually involved and married under the same roof?

It’s what I’m referring to as ‘a Happier Medium.’

I tried the ‘traditional and socially approved’ route that goes something like this:

• Meet THE GUY.
• Fall in love with THE GUY.
• Introduce THE GUY to friends and family. (Ta-da! It’s…THE GUY!)
• Get engaged.
• Get married. (Insert monochromatic bridesmaids, groomsmen and cake.)
• Get house.
• Get dog.
• Have kid #1.
• Have kid #2.

This is where the ‘socially approved’ stopped for me. Divorce came two years later.

So, now what?

Any relationship for me now involves a man who is not the father of my kids. A man who may potentially have children of his own and his own ex-spouse. Which also means navigating custody schedules, child support, shared holidays, not to mention all of the emotions of the kids and how everyone feels about it.

Whew. It’s daunting to say the least.

Therefore, ‘traditional’ is off the table. Which isn’t a bad thing. ‘Traditional’ didn’t equate to happy for me. So, I’d like to try something different. I’m bound and determined to learn lessons from my previous relationships and apply them moving forward.

Married with kids. Divorced with kids. Single. Dating. Never been married. Whatever your relationship status, it has its pros and cons.

And I find it interesting. Talking to people in different relationship statuses. What works, what doesn’t. Expectations and perceptions.

One such conversation sticks in my head. It was with a gal pal who is twice married, for more than seven years. I asked her, now in hindsight, would she get married a second time?

Her answer was simple. “It’s not the marriage, it’s the living together. I’d do two houses. Side-by-side. Maybe with an adjoining walkway.”

We laughed about it, while recognizing the brilliance of it.

Is this it? The Happier Medium?

I’m a huge fan of her idea! It doesn’t have to take away from the commitment, the intimacy or the sharing of your lives. It also doesn’t have to take away from good old fashioned time together, meeting each other’s families or knowing each other’s kids.

But what it does provide is:

Very.

Clear.

Boundaries.

You take care of your stuff and I’ll take care of mine. We can choose to share and help. But the boundaries are clear.

Takes away a lot of the things couples argue about, doesn’t it?

Now, I’m not saying the theory is without potential flaws. And yes, any healthy relationship should be able to draw clear boundaries regardless of where you live. But as many of us know, it’s hard. Being roommates has foiled many a friendship and sunk many a marriage.

So, I’m curious. A committed, intimate, co-mingled relationship. You may spend every night together and be all up in each other’s business… if you choose. But you don’t live together.You don’t get married. You choose the commitment.

Can a daily choice work better than a forever choice?

Could it be? The Happier Medium?

What do you think?